Money Talks

If only money didn't run the world, we'll all be living a much happier life right now.

Take me for instance, I receive a brand new iPad2 (yes, I'm not done bragging about it yet) as a new-year-cum-parting gift a few days back and am immediately stricken by the cost of such a pricey product along with it's accessories which I had to go shopping for today. Even when spending on myself or getting things I really need, I cringe and feel a heavy sinking feeling inside when I have to fork out an amount of money which I feel is somewhat substantial. Then the guilt kills me.

My parents keep assuring me that it's okay to get something if I really need it as long as I don't spend unwisely or waste money. They say that the money they earn is meant to be spent on exactly those kind of things or else what's the use of saving up so much and never using it for anything then? They must feel I'm a responsible enough spender to be giving their teenage daughter advice like that. I think they trust me not to throw their earnings down the drain unnecessarily but I can't shake the feeling that each time I pay for something, I'm evaporating their hard-earned money into thin air. It's not like my family is poor or on the verge of living on the streets or anything like that. We definitely don't lead a luxurious lifestyle but we're still far from financially burdened. Middle-class living it is. But you know, maybe I just appreciate the value of a dollar a bit too much.

So imagine what hell a borderline stingy person like me must have been going through this past month when I've had to spend quite a large sum of cash all in the name of preparations for leaving the country next month. And my spendings are far from over. The list of things that still need to get done seem to stretch on and on forever and the more I run around getting errands done and checking things off, the more new stuff appears so it seems like there's never a moment's rest for me. I calculated the amount I would have to pay for various purposes, converted them from New Zealand dollars to Malaysian ringgit, had a mild heart attack when I saw the figures then ran to my mother's room crying, waking her up in the middle of the night to tell her how guilty I feel for having to use so much of their money like that. My mum just ran me through the usual stuff, consoling me to not worry and that we can afford it and it's all for a good cause and that this is nothing compared to the amount the government is paying me back and blah blah blah.

But still...

Compared to many others out there, me and my problems are just a speck in the vast universe. People say the healthiest way to de-stress is to take a deep breath, take a step back and compare yourself to many others around you and count your blessings. But certain times, doing this doesn't work and until all my problems are finally settled, I'll have no peace of mind and it's all about me me me me me (and yes, some of you sang that).